Canyoning with Craig 101 (but not actually 101 because that takes too long)

Write a trip report

By Meike Pummer, 12 March 2022

How to go canyoning 101 (but more like 51 because 101 steps takes way too long):  

  1. Beg Patrick to be added to the canyoning group chat (or hit up craig)  

  2. Watch the group chat for months but never actually go on any trips  

  3. Wait at least another 2 months after being added before actually saying yes to any of the trips that craig suggests (terrible excuses only)

  4. Finally say yes to a trip and ditch whatever other tramping club trip you've signed up for  

  5. Feel slightly guilty about it but not really  

  6. Don’t pack the night before – pack the day of, it really gets the heart racing in preparation for this crazy thing you're about to do  

  7. Forget at least ½ the things you’re expected to bring

  8. While the others meet at hunter carpark at 10am (we're not about early starts) be that super annoying person who lives out in Eastbourne and get someone to come pick you up  

  9. Find some more things to faff about – fill up the car and forget to put the fuel cap back on (sorry Colan)  

  10. Drive past the road to staglands and wish you were going there instead  

  11. Get to the road end  

  12. Hunt around for blackberries  

  13. Unload the car full of shit  

  14. Craig turns up and I realize I actually have met this mysterious craig before! 

  15. Put everything you're bringing into dry bags in fase hope that they're actually going to stay dry  

  16. Watch as Craig and Fransis (the pros) put their stuff into actual dry bags and mentally add 10 more things to your already very long ‘ to buy’ list of expensive outdoors equipment 

  17.  Unpack and repack your bag 5 times to make sure you have your lunch (and orange and some nuts - maybe this packing the day of business is not where it’s at), warm clothes and all the other necessary equipment - extra faff is always welcome 

  18. Finally leave the car park 

  19. Walk the 45 minute track toward the start of the canyon 

  20. Get really hot and think about how difficult it is going to be to put your wetsuit on when you’re this sweaty 

  21. Wish you had gone to staglands instead (i hate hills)

  22. Use the ropes to scramble down the bank to the stream

  23. Feel slightly let down by the ‘canyon’ which is actually a small stream with some boulders in it - apparently it gets better but you’re not convinced

  24. Spend 10 minutes trying to put on your wetsuit which you really need soap for but you didn’t bring because you packed 10 mins before you had to leave 

  25. Step into the river and realize you should have held off on that extra layer of socks because you’re feet are going to freeze anyway and you've just delayed the process 

  26. Clamber your way down the stream being careful to not get too wet because you’ll get cold way faster 

  27. Find the first canyon station! 

  28. Realize you’re effort to not get wet was in vain because you’re about to abseil through a waterfall 

  29. Get Craig to show you how to abseil even though you’ve done it a million times because you need validation

  30. Give yourself a 10 second panic moment before calmly lowering yourself into the canyon 

  31. Get halfway down the waterfall and get your hair stuck in your ATC because the world wants to give you another reason to shave all your hair off 

  32. Watch everyone else do it a lot more smoothly than you did and thank yourself for being the trips entertainment (because we all have things to be thankful for)

  33. Make it through a few more waterfalls without mishap - having the best time of your life, very random topics of conversation

  34. LUNCH! - best orange I’ve ever had 

  35. The final waterfall :( 

  36. Watching ___ fall from about ½ way - was a small waterfall dont worry 

  37. Wander the rest of the way down the stream to the main river

  38. Float the rest of the way to the carpark down all the shingle rapids and much rock jumping 

  39. Get to the car and unpack some very wet and heavy ‘dry’ bags 

  40. Put on other peoples clothes because you forgot to bring your own 

  41. Head to the blueberry farm instead of heading home because you’re not ready for this adventure to end 

  42. Eat a lot more blueberries than you pick (and spit them on other people)

  43. Find the alpaca and goats 

  44. Try and make alpaca noises (good luck) 

  45. Accidentally send a family into the goat pen and watch the goats chase them behind a fence 

  46. Climb back into the car and try not to puke blueberries everywhere 

  47. Pump the heater and tunes because everyone is freezing 

  48. Get the blessed driver to drop you all the way back in Eastbourne 

  49. Think about writing the trip report the next day 

  50. Don’t write the trip report 

  51. Sit in the library around 3 - 4 months later  with the inspiration to write a canyoning 101 for the trip report but only getting to 51 because you only set yourself a 30 minute procrastination window (some uni must get done - bad excuse I know). 

 

10/10 would recommend!